Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Suicide bombers in UK on strike as of tomorrow!!!

Yes I am back to my blog after almost a month! Stupid vacations!
And I'm back with just a piece of urgent and important information - jo op Englesch, sou hun ech et geflüstert kritt - that may be worth reading.
Heads up you, and you an du dohannen!  Who like rumours especially when there's dynamite in the air and Luxembourg is mentioned - even if only at the far end!!

I hear suicide bombers in the UK are on strike for three days: Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Tuesday morning in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency management talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed toproduce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60

The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs(or BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately ballot for strike action. 
Secretary General AmirAbdullah told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We do not ask for much in return but to betreated like this by management is a kick in the teeth." Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out thatthe cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. 

"Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250.000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be prettyones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?" Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands In which I currently reside, AlQaeda chief Osama bin Laden executive explained, "We sympathize with ourworkers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now achronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between Reducing expenditure and laying people off. I do not like cutting wages butI'd hate to have to tell 3.000 of my staff that they will not be able to blow themselves up. " I defended management bonuses by Claiming these werenecessary to attract good, fanatical clerics.
"How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can not compete with the private sector?" asked Mr.Bin-Laden. Talks broke down this morning after last-ditch management's proposal of avirgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree onorifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quotedas saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that ........it's too much to swallow." Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will put explosives down at midday on Tuesday. Most branches are supporting the strike.

Little danger for this strike to swap over to Luxembourg according to Jean-Claude Juncker, as we normally keep the number of virgins very low anyway!


Egide Thein said...

In these difficult times all professionals should be reasonable. As my preferred French bomber Abu De Ner said: ""On peut très bien s'envoyer en l'air avec 60 vierges seulement".

Pol Wirtz said...

Excellente réflexion!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

Anonymous said...

I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing